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Time:11:25 pm
I feel like crying all the damn time.. I think I put way to much trust into people.. And I think people don't care about me as I do them... But it doesn't mean they don't care with all they gots.. hehe.. Well lately tons of shit has been going down.. I thought I was over Russ.. Hell Ely makes me smile, makes me laugh.. But right now he's not helping.. Russ use to always stop my tears.. I guess I need to stop looking for peoples help.. But what am I suppose to do in this situation.. My big sis is mentally unstable.. I think she has multiple personality disorder like Huan. Mom is suicidal.. She keeps threatening to kill herself.. It's scaring the shit out me.. I just want to cry too.. But they all look to me to be the courageous one. I don't know... I say that alot now.. I work to pay for Weedie's private school in Cali.. But it's not enough.. She doesn't want the education I'm giving her.. I want her to stay in Cali and help Linda..Why is everyone so selfish.. Why can't they see the consequences that follows every decision... I'm so tired.. And January is so close....
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Subject:What The Dilly Yo
Time:10:06 pm
"If you don't want to love me I'll find someone else who will.. Find another kind of thrill.. Find someone else to fill this LONELINESS.. If you don't want to love I'll find someone else who will.."

I still can't believe he did this to me.. I just want to hear his voice sometimes to hear his excuse.. But I don't know what I would say to him.. I don't know if I can turn away.. I notice I've been distracted on myspace alot and haven't update shit on this thing.. I don't care none of you guys read this anyways.. www.myspace.com/LLE84
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Subject:Solved My Own Problem
Time:12:56 pm
"All the things that ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of heacen. Tantalizing glimpses, promises never quiet fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear... If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world... Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy, but to arouse it to suggest the real thing."

I came across my horoscope today and I think it's help me better than anybody has... And it's weird because I never have time to look at this sort of things...."You don't need to know how your computer or car wok in order to use them. Their inner workings may be unfathomable but that doesn't matter as long as you benefit from what they do for you. Let's apply that same principle to a certain relationship that is perplexing you. You obviously get something out of your alliance with this person, since you've chosen not to leave it. Yet you seem bothered by the fact that you can't figure out what you are to each other and where you're suppose to go next. My advice? For now stop trying to understand it. Just surrender to the fruitful mystery. Simply let your connection perform it's enigmatic magic."
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Time:12:37 pm
Birthday:April 20, 1984
Current Location:Louisville, Ky
Eye Color:brown
Hair Color:black/brown
Height:5' 2''
Right Handed or Left Handed:both
Your Heritage:British, Asian, German, and Polish(I'm a mutt)
The Shoes You Wore Today:flip flops
Your Weakness:cinnamon
Your Fears:clowns and being alone
Your Perfect Pizza:SUPREME with lots of mushrooms
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Figure myself out
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:brb
Thoughts First Waking Up:"Should I call him"
Your Best Physical Feature:my smile
Your Bedtime:5 am if I do sleep
Your Most Missed Memory:Getting locked out of the Aquarium
Pepsi or Coke:pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King:McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:I don't drink tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:Both
Cappuccino or Coffee:UMMMM Both
Do you Smoke:use to
Do you Swear:all the fucking time
Do you Sing:Not well, but yes
Do you Shower Daily:OCD like
Have you Been in Love:What's that
Do you want to go to College:yes
Do you want to get Married:yes
Do you belive in yourself:most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:no
Do you think you are Attractive:ehh now
Are you a Health Freak:nope
Do you get along with your Parents:my mom occasionally
Do you like Thunderstorms:love it
Do you play an Instrument:flute, sax, bass, guitar, violin, and piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yes
In the past month have you Smoked:no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:what kind? Doctors orders? yes..other kind? no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:friends? yes guys? one guy
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:no
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no
In the past month have you been on Stage:no
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no
Ever been Drunk:no, not that drunk, buzzed but that's it
Ever been called a Tease:yes
Ever been Beaten up:no i grew up with 9 brothers
Ever Shoplifted:no
How do you want to Die:whatever way God intended
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:a bird.. i'm not going to grow up
What country would you most like to Visit:Germany
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:blue/green
Favourite Hair Color:any
Short or Long Hair:short
Height:just right (not shorter than me though)
Weight:built with a little pudge
Best Clothing Style:jeans and a tee
Number of Drugs I have taken:too many
Number of CDs I own:a million
Number of Piercings:1 still in (ears) one taken out (eyebrow)
Number of Tattoos:1 but will be getting 4 mores in the comeing month
Number of things in my Past I Regret:i don't regret

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Time:09:01 pm
Current Mood:bitchybitchy
I hate Kentucky so GD much. I want to move back to Cali. Buy a house in Lawndale or at least near there. I want to be by people who have stuck with me fot 5-6 long faithful years. Once this apartment lease is over I want to just get as far as I can for a little. Maybe when Derrick moves in the apartment situation will go a little smoother. But it not just that. I'm still angry about getting robbed. I want that bitch Jina to be hunted and shot on the spot. That whore dosen't deserve to live. HONESTLY. I know that sounds very very hateful but true. The world would be better, KY would be better, with one less druggie ass clepto cunt. She's so worthless. I work my ass like crazy and this whore just comes and jacks all that my work has paid for. Sorry to those who have tried to call my cell. I know it's jacked up. Sorry hopefully will fix soon.
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Time:04:38 pm
Current Mood:angryangry
Called in to work today made a lame ass excuse and got away with it. So today I've done absolutely nothing. I was promised Kentucky Kingdom but was tricked again.. DAMN!! Well went to Tumbleweed and lied that it was my birthday to get a free sundae. Oh my gosh I think I might have a lying problem. Wait no I'm just lying about that. But it's true that's all I've done today cause my friends are neglecting me. I hate you all.. <~~~LIE
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Time:08:40 pm
Current Mood:cheerfulcheerful
Well just sitting here washing clothes and I thought it's time for an update. I know none of you guys have heard from me in a billion years. I still haven't gotten any of my ID's made. I know I know don't lecture me. Chanda screwed me over real bad. What kind of person does that sort of thing. I don't know why I'm so trusting of others. I let her stay at my apartment to get her life in order and all she did is screw up everybody's life including her's . She's gonna have a baby and she dosen't know who's the daddy. That's some messed up shit right there. Her mom's gonna kill me. I just feel so bad for Darliss. But soon she'll be on her way to New Orleans and all this shit will be in the past or at least out of state. I'm so sick and tired of Auto Zone. I'm just so tired of being always dependable and reliable. I wish people weren't so G.D. lazy all the time. If anyone wants a job at Auto Zone and is willing to work give me a holla. hahaha.
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Time:05:16 pm
Current Mood:crazycrazy
I don't know what to do. My head isn't where it should be. I've lost everything and now I'm just praying that some good soul will just take the cash and return everything else. I lost my wallet yesterday at the mall. And noone seems to can help. I'm afraid someone is going to steal my identity. And I just don't know what I was thinking putting it down on the floor in the first place. DUH Lillie dosen't think. Well I think someone actually stole it because from what I remember I set it down and when I looked back down to where I set it it was already too late. I guess I could have handled it better. I should have been in everybody's face. My life was in that wallet. Birth certificate cause I was filling out paperwork an hour before it happened, social security card, permanent resident card, auto zone discount card(I work there now), and credit card. This stinks!! I canceled my card and put out a fraud alert but they spent some money before I did that. So I have to fill out a police report and this screws up everything. AHHH!!!
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Subject:Just some random thoughts
Time:03:11 pm
Current Mood:sadsad
It takes you half a life time to find me right in front of your eyes...
It takes you only half a second to lose me again...
I'm so tired of people associating me with my family. I don't sell drugs. I don't use drugs. And no I don't know where you can get any. At work my friend Brooke was instructed by the owner to not hang out with me cause I'm a bad person who drinks and does coke and go to the clubs on a daily basis. I want to shot the women. If she knows me so well how the hell is it that I can do all that and show up the next morning usually 30 minutes early to work and not pass out during the day. Maybe I should put some LCD in her tea... And we'll see who the drugie is. HA! Too bad I don't have that sort of connection. BITCH!!!!
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Subject:Good Bye For Now
Time:09:50 pm
I just found out I'll be off the internet for awhile. Cause this laptop is going bye bye and replaced with a new one. But the new one isn't for sure. So I don't know how long I'll be off of here.
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